Friday, December 2, 2011

An Observation

I have observed some trepidation with some of my more brutal methods of sparing my family.  I assure you, they do not suffer.

But maybe they should.

Is a lack of feeling not what I find myself up against?  Is pain not an affirmation of the very existence I wish my family to remain a part of, even long after the Quiet has claimed their iteration?

As Stephen King once wrote, sometimes, dead is better.

And, as I have observed through falling through countless iterations of existence, pain is the ultimate teacher.

Perhaps my children deserve a lesson.  Something to ground them in reality, a reality that is fading before their very eyes.

Or maybe, the loneliness is wearing at me.  Perhaps this is not about helping them.  Perhaps I am jealous that they get to die and I am too much of a coward to end this suffering for myself.  Too afraid to risk my own death to actually go through with the most obvious solution to my problem, the same solution I have applied to my family countless times.

Something more to think about as this world crumbles, at the very least.

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